25/04/11
You’re playing at a fan’s Christmas Party in return for them producing a winning remix of your new single, ‘Everybody is a DJ’, but in your wildest fantasies, who would that fan be and where would the party be held?
Easy, the fan would be Nina Persson from The Cardigans and Felicity Kendall from TV’s The Good Life. They would have the party in a big castle and only I would be invited, we would get drunk on gin and vodka and share our wildest fantasies together in a week long gin-fuelled lust orgy. Proper dirty…
You seem like a bunch of smooth operators, so what would you advise we do to bag that tasty piece at the office party?
If you want to get in with a bird at the office party act as if you are very caring, perhaps use lies such as mentioning that you do voluntary work with the blind or that you can’t drink too much as you’re on standby to give your brother a kidney transplant, then when she isn’t looking pour gin into her wine, she will be in love with you within minutes. Use a condom!
Christmas is the season of Goodwill, so if you were Santa, who would you like to unload your sack for, and who’d be on your naughty list?
I would probably unload my sack for anyone who has ever come to a GLC gig; if they don’t come there’s no point in doing the show so I would be well happy to unload myself just for the fans. I would probably put someone rough like Hitler on the naughty list… he was a total dick and probably never went to any gigs.
In a year of Celebrity deaths, who is most sadly missed by the GLC crew?
Derek B, the first British rapper to make Top of the Pops or Edward Woodward, the dude from The Wicker Man. These two men defined popular culture for the GLC and it saddens me to see them gone.
On the subject, the co-writer of the Anfield Rap and GLC hero, Derek B, died the other day… what would you do to pay tribute to your idol?
Probably listen to ‘Bullet from a Gun’ by Derek B whilst watching The Wicker Man with Edward Woodward.
When X Factor is over, Jedward will be looking to hide their lack of talent behind someone – what would they have to do to get into GLC?
I am quite proud at the fact I have never watched X Factor and I have no idea what Jedward is, I therefore have only one opinion for this and such other shows… No thanks - I have a life and I don’t really want to make Simon Cowell any richer… Peace out Beeeyatch
There seems to be a current Welsh revival – Duffy, Lucy & Lloyd from X Factor, Rhod Gilbert, the Welsh Gavin & Stacey contingent – but if you were to revolt and storm Britain, who would you crown your King and Queen?
Gandhi would be king because he is chilled out and Nana Moon from Eastenders would be Queen coz she’s old and Queens should be old.
Your missus is a nutter... and so is mine, but can you name 3 celebrity nutter birds and why they’re teetering on the loco side?
Kerry Katona... Bi Polar
Jordan… Narcissist
Joanna Lumley… Not naked enough.
Team Andre or Team Price?
None they are both out of my taste league.
A member recently had a kidney transplant... who else in the band needs a transplant and what would it be for?
Adam Hussain needs a skin transplant on his bottom cheeks; he forgot to wash properly after riding a second hand bike in a pair of shorts and he got a skin infection that took most of the skin from in between his legs so now he has to put cream on his bottom everyday… gutted.
Facebook: the scourge of society or the best thing since sliced bread?
Good for promoting an online community for bands and social groups, bad for individuals being stalked by weirdos that you haven’t seen since 1989 who seem to think they are your best mate and want to show you pictures of babies that look like rats and wives that look like Janet Street Porter… danger!
Craig Bellamy: Patron Saint or little shit?
Is his dad David Bellamy? Loved him when I was a kid, all them worms and nature stuff …brilliant.
What’s your favourite Christmas Day movie?
‘It’s a Wonderful Life’… Christmas is a bit naff but I love that film.
Has fame increased the level of pum pum action you all receive?
No it just means uglier birds think you want to touch them and nice birds think you are too pretentious to talk to. I have just given up and am moving to the coast to retire a lonely hermit with my memories and a cat called Simon.
‘Youknowsit’… if there is one life lesson the GLC crew could instill in us all…what would it be?
Don’t smoke in bed, never give restaurant staff hassle and don’t be a dickhead.
And finally, you’ve played in Norwich a few times, but what memories do you have of our fine city?
Norwich is a wonderful place with many beautiful women. On one occasion, Mystikal confused it for Scandinavia and I’m not joking when I say that. I once met a girl called Louise in Norwich - she was wonderful. I think she’s dead now but she was well fit. Norwich was also the eighth most prosperous shopping destination in the UK in 2006... well done!
Those infamous Welsh wappers will be ‘avin it large with you lot at The Waterfront on December 20th for their ‘Office Christmas Party’ Tour. For tickets, go to www.ueaticketbookings.co.uk or call 01603 508050.