Films > DVD Reviews

The Amazing Spiderman 2

20/11/14

Spiderman, Spiderman, does whatever a spider can. Can’t get out, of the bath, gets eaten, after sex. And also stumbles into sleeping people’s mouths on average six times a year. My point is that, conceptually, Spiderman is a pretty shit superhero. In fact, his web-slinging abilities are provided by mechanical devices so, really, his only super-power is the ability to stick to things. Being bitten by a radioactive spider is one way to obtain this power, but, then, so would swallowing a piece of radioactive blu-tac, or standing in a radioactive dog-turd, or being the guest of honour at a Fukushima bukake party. Probably.

Unfortunately, my script for ‘The Adhesive Adventures of Dogshitman and Blutacboy’ is not attracting the buzz it so richly deserves, and, according to IMDB, ‘Fukushima Bukake Meltdown’ is stuck in pre-production, so we have a Spiderman film. Because you can never have too many, can you. Now, I’m not bitter or anything, but I think it’s a sad indictment of the current studio system when Hollywood will make YET ANOTHER iteration of a film we’ve already seen four times, rather than investing in an original story about spunky crime-fighters.

Andrew Garfield plays Spidey this time. He fights his enemies, both internal and external, and stuff. Probably wins. Stan Lee has a great cameo where he rubs his pockets, gurns into the camera and says “ker-ching!” I don’t know. I haven’t seen it. I couldn’t be bothered.

If you liked the first several, you’ll like this one.